Author: gardengirl10565

Control Freak

“Control, control, you must learn control!” – Master Yoda

I am a control freak (along with a perfectionist, but we’ll talk about that some other time). As Master Yoda said: “Control, control, you must learn control!” (emphasis mine). Let’s unpack that, shall we?

As long as I have been in Minnesota, the tomatoes practically grew themselves with very little intervention from me. I would plant 4-6 plants of different varieties and reap a harvest from August to October that would actually have me sick of eating fresh tomatoes and filling my freezer with the overflowing harvest for use in winter stews.

This past summer, a cool spring with an excess of rain followed by a very dry July through September, resulted in a meager harvest that barely kept my salads topped. I thought maybe it was just me and my poor gardening skills, but I heard from several friends that it was a really bad year for tomatoes. Whew! Not entirely my fault! I mean, how am I supposed to control the weather??

OK, I can’t control the weather. But there were other factors within my control that could have made a difference. Sunlight, soil, mulch, water, pruning, support, these are all within my control. Removing any overhead branches that block the sunlight from the garden or monitoring the rainfall to determine supplemental water requirements, these things are in my control.

My point is, that while I can’t control all of the factors that will help my tomatoes thrive, I can do a better job of setting them up for success by leaning into the aspects of gardening that I can control.

It is this way in life too. We all face challenges from time to time, something that we don’t have complete control over. Maybe it is a sudden change in your career or a relationship. Instead of getting bogged down in the aspects of the challenge that you can’t control, can you focus in on areas that you can control. Focusing on what you can do can feel very empowering, while focusing on what you can’t control can feel overwhelming and frightening.

I know this firsthand. I was planning a trip for a group of women, amazing, caring women who I am so honored to call friends. Seems safe, right? I started to worry about whether they would like the travel plans, be OK with the airline, departure time, layover, food, and the list went on. I was so focused on trying to create an experience that they would LOVE that I was worrying myself into poor health and, quite frankly, I was dreading the trip.

I had to accept that there were some things I could control and some things that were out of my hands. I decided to plan the trip as I would want to travel. What would I want someone to do for me if they were planning the trip? Get me from point A to B and back again safely and as quickly as possible while controlling costs. I also enlisted a support system of a few close friends that I could run ideas by. I had to let go of the illusion that I could control how others would feel if our flight was delayed, or they didn’t like their seat on the plane, or whatever, and be at peace with the fact that I had done my best.

So, my question to you is this – are you focusing on what you can’t control and stressing yourself out, or are you focusing on what you can control and doing it to the best of YOUR ability? Trust me when I say that you will be much happier focusing on what you can control. How you act, react, learn and ultimately grow, are all within your control. Lean into that knowledge and change your world!

“Control, control, you must learn what you can and cannot control!” – Garden Girl

p.s. Thanks for my friend, RL, for encouraging me to not sit on a post too long trying to make it perfect (more about perfection some other time)!

Attitude of Gratitude

“It is not the happy people that who are thankful. It is the thankful people who are happy.” – Unknown Author

I saw the quote above this past week, and it spoke to me. When I left the corporate world almost 2 years ago, I had no idea what I would do next. I left because I was burned out and ready for something new. I was so focused on all of the things I believed I had missed in my own life up to that point, that I lost my sense of gratitude for what I actually did have.

Now, after over a year of focusing on volunteer work and family, I can look back at that time and feel gratitude again for all of the experiences I had, great people that I worked with, and time watching my sons grow into the young men they now are. I can also see how those past experiences are shaping how I approach life today in a more positive way.

I hope that, as you enjoy Thanksgiving with those you love, you take a moment to reflect on all that you have to be thankful for. Maybe you have had a tough year, and you have to dig deep to find something but take the time to find it. Whatever you find, let it encourage you for the future!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Changing Seasons …… and Perspectives

Fall is finally here! Last weekend, I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. This week, out come the flannel lined pants and the winter hat. Seasons change. How we view that change is all about perspective.

In the past, I hated flipping my calendar to November and then December. I am not a lover of the coming cold weather that these two months point to. Nor do I love the shortened days. As a matter of fact, I had declared the winter solstice, the shortest day of year, my least favorite day of the year. Really? Can you have a least favorite day of the year? In hindsight, that seems pretty petty.

A couple of years ago, I made a deliberate effort to change my perspective on the fall and winter months to focus on the positive.

Now….

Fall holds my favorite colors. The trees in my neighborhood look like brilliant fireworks in the fall. I use this color pallet throughout my home. The trees may lose their leaves and look dead, but they are welcoming an opportunity to sleep and ready themselves for the spring.

The winter solstice may be the shortest day of the year, but it is also the gateway to the light as the days begin to lengthen starting the next morning. When we turn that corner, I know that spring is once again coming, even if it is still three months away.

Sometimes life needs a little reframing too. Maybe you are afraid to try something new because you don’t want to embarrass yourself. Can you reframe your perspective?

Can you reframe anxiety into excitement? For me, it was: “I’m afraid to speak in front of others!” to “I’m excited to share what I know.”

Can you reframe frustration with others into an opportunity to understand their opinions better?

I know, it’s definitely not as easy as it sounds, but maybe, just maybe, a little change in perspective in one area of your life will open doors for other changes as well. Perhaps you can inspire others with your actions.

Good luck and enjoy the changing seasons!

Once Begun is Half Done!

Mary Poppins famously said, “Once begun is half done”. That is so true! After a summer of turning a blind eye to my front flower bed and yard, it is amazing how much momentum I gained just by getting started. Every inch of the flower bed and the yard have been cleared of Creeping Charlie. That revealed the problem with the plantains (those broadleaf monsters that spread like a bad cold in a classroom). Now, those have all been sprayed.

Of course, this work only took care of the surface issue. Now I have to address the why. Why are these weeds so eager to call my front yard home? According to an article on CommonSenseHome.com, the plantains are a result of compacted soil. The fixes sound easy enough – aerate the soil, add compost, stop driving on the lawn. Easy, but still one, or rather 3, more things to do. Well, I should jump right on this! I’ll go aerate the lawn today. Not so fast, the best time to aerate is when grass is growing. It is a very dry October in Minnesota so this isn’t the best time to aerate. OK – that goes on the spring to-do list.

How about adding compost – nope, not this fall. Again, adding this during active lawn growth is preferred according to what I read on the web. Another item for the spring to-do list.

The yard and flowerbed look a little rough right now, but hopefully all of this fall work has set us up for a beautiful spring.

Where am I going with this? We all have things about ourselves or our lives that we would like to improve, whether it is learning a new skill, losing weight, or saving more money. Whatever that may be for you, think about the momentum you create when you set the goal and start working toward it. Then think about how you might start taking the steps out of order and actually sabotaging your own progress. For example, if you want to lose weight, maybe you immediately cut what you are eating. This can be good, but if you don’t also look at WHAT you are eating in addition to HOW MUCH you can quickly find yourself extra hungry and binge eating (been there, done that).

Hopefully by taking the right steps at the right time, I’ll have a lawn and garden that I can be proud of.

Take some time and be thoughtful about how you approach achieving your goal, don’t jump to step 10 when you really need to complete steps 1-9 first.

Have a wonderful week!

P.S. There is only one Mary Poppins, and that is Julie Andrews.

Lessons from Creeping Charlie

As I mentioned in my last post (or rather obsessed over), I’ve started the work of cleaning out my least favorite garden bed in the hopes of restoring some of its beauty. Well, as is often the case when I start a cleanup project, it expands in unexpected ways.

As I started to pull Creeping Charlie from my garden, I took a look around and realized that this wasn’t a localized problem. The Creeping Charlie was everywhere in my yard. If you don’t know, Creeping Charlie is an invasive ground cover weed.

I’ve been pulling Creeping Charlie for nearly as long as I’ve lived in this Minnesota home. In the fall I will feel like I have it beat, but in the Spring, there it is again. Some little root survived the winter and before I know it the Creeping Charlie is all over the yard again. This summer, I felt like I was living the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, so I stopped looking at the front yard close up and ignored the problem.

My neighbor, a few houses down, has the most beautiful yard. Honestly, there isn’t a weed in sight, no crab grass to be seen, and not even a speck of Creeping Charlie! The grass is lush and green. When my husband and I walk past his house I often comment on how beautiful his lawn is. Yes – I covet my neighbor’s lawn. I know that his lawn isn’t naturally beautiful, my neighbor puts in hours each week tending to it. He told me there wasn’t an area of the yard left untended this summer. He puts in the time, and he has the beautiful yard to show for it.

In the case of my yard this summer, I was not willing to make the investment of my time to keep the Creeping Charlie under control. Nor was I willing to make the investment of money to hire someone else to do it for me.

The point is this – when we look around us and see what we would like to have, whether it is a beautiful yard, a new career, or a fabulous vacation, we also have to ask ourselves:

“What will it take for me to get there?”

“Am I willing to make the investment, whether it is time or money or both or something else, to achieve that?”

“Am I willing to change my habits so I can support that dream?”

Is there something holding you back from achieving your dreams? Are you willing to make the personal investment to achieve your goals?

Take a good hard look at the garden of your life and see if you are holding yourself back.

Welcome to the garden!

I love my gardens. I find it very relaxing to spend time there. Often, when I go to the garden, I listen to music or a pod cast. Today, however, I stepped into the garden and invited God to teach me something. No music, no phone, no technology distractions, just me and the garden and God.  It is in these moments, when we free our mind of distractions, that God speaks to us.  As I set about doing some maintenance (aka weeding) in one of my flower beds, I asked “God, what do you have to teach me as I work in my garden today?”…  and God replied. 

Before I tell you about God’s reply, let me say that today I chose to work in my least favorite flower bed.  The last time I weeded this bed (a year or more ago) a Garter snake startled me, and I haven’t set foot in it since. It’s a messy bed with hard, rocky soil, and a host of small trees, Creeping Charlie and various other weeds sprouting amongst the flowers and bushes.  On top of that, this bed sits at the end of my driveway, near the street, where all of my neglect is fully on display for the neighbors to see as they pass by.  This bed desperately needed attention!

Now, back to today’s experience.  As I entered the flower bed with shovel in hand, prepared to tame the unwanted growth, it came to me that this garden is a metaphor for life.  Life can be planted with beautiful intentions, then something spooks you (in my case the snake) and neglect follows.  When we neglect to care for our lives and those around us, we, like my poor neglected garden, can find weeds springing up amidst the wonderful things we were cultivating in our lives.  And like my neglected garden, once the weeds take hold, it takes a lot more effort to clean up than if we had chosen on-going care.

I feel like God was saying to me “Keep coming back to your garden, I have a lot to teach you!” 

Yes, I am a Christian.  Much of what I write will be based on my Christian faith.  Don’t let that turn you away from this blog.  I welcome perspectives from everyone regardless of where you are on your faith journey.  My goal is not to make you Christian; it is to share my experiences and hear about yours.  That being said, I am always open to praying for you if you need it.  Just ask.

So here I am, a Girl in the Garden, working through the messiness of my gardens and learning things about life as I go.  I hope you’ll join me.

COMMENTS

  1. gardengirl10565's avatar

    The key word is “transforming”. It isn’t a one-and-done change, but an evolution because you are still growing and changing…

  2. wolfbrieflyd6d6006dc8's avatar
  3. Sandy's avatar
  4. Ruth Langdon's avatar

    “Life can be planted with beautiful intentions, then something spooks you (in my case the snake) and neglect follows.” I…