“Control, control, you must learn control!” – Master Yoda
I am a control freak (along with a perfectionist, but we’ll talk about that some other time). As Master Yoda said: “Control, control, you must learn control!” (emphasis mine). Let’s unpack that, shall we?
As long as I have been in Minnesota, the tomatoes practically grew themselves with very little intervention from me. I would plant 4-6 plants of different varieties and reap a harvest from August to October that would actually have me sick of eating fresh tomatoes and filling my freezer with the overflowing harvest for use in winter stews.
This past summer, a cool spring with an excess of rain followed by a very dry July through September, resulted in a meager harvest that barely kept my salads topped. I thought maybe it was just me and my poor gardening skills, but I heard from several friends that it was a really bad year for tomatoes. Whew! Not entirely my fault! I mean, how am I supposed to control the weather??
OK, I can’t control the weather. But there were other factors within my control that could have made a difference. Sunlight, soil, mulch, water, pruning, support, these are all within my control. Removing any overhead branches that block the sunlight from the garden or monitoring the rainfall to determine supplemental water requirements, these things are in my control.
My point is, that while I can’t control all of the factors that will help my tomatoes thrive, I can do a better job of setting them up for success by leaning into the aspects of gardening that I can control.
It is this way in life too. We all face challenges from time to time, something that we don’t have complete control over. Maybe it is a sudden change in your career or a relationship. Instead of getting bogged down in the aspects of the challenge that you can’t control, can you focus in on areas that you can control. Focusing on what you can do can feel very empowering, while focusing on what you can’t control can feel overwhelming and frightening.
I know this firsthand. I was planning a trip for a group of women, amazing, caring women who I am so honored to call friends. Seems safe, right? I started to worry about whether they would like the travel plans, be OK with the airline, departure time, layover, food, and the list went on. I was so focused on trying to create an experience that they would LOVE that I was worrying myself into poor health and, quite frankly, I was dreading the trip.
I had to accept that there were some things I could control and some things that were out of my hands. I decided to plan the trip as I would want to travel. What would I want someone to do for me if they were planning the trip? Get me from point A to B and back again safely and as quickly as possible while controlling costs. I also enlisted a support system of a few close friends that I could run ideas by. I had to let go of the illusion that I could control how others would feel if our flight was delayed, or they didn’t like their seat on the plane, or whatever, and be at peace with the fact that I had done my best.
So, my question to you is this – are you focusing on what you can’t control and stressing yourself out, or are you focusing on what you can control and doing it to the best of YOUR ability? Trust me when I say that you will be much happier focusing on what you can control. How you act, react, learn and ultimately grow, are all within your control. Lean into that knowledge and change your world!
“Control, control, you must learn what you can and cannot control!” – Garden Girl
p.s. Thanks for my friend, RL, for encouraging me to not sit on a post too long trying to make it perfect (more about perfection some other time)!
Girl in the Garden 